A Bittersweet Time

 Today is the last day of my “full time” duty with my niece. I’ve taken care of her Monday thru Friday, early morning until late afternoon, since she was six weeks old. She is now four, and will begin attending pre-k in the late summer. Her mom is a teacher and school ends for her today, so my time with my niece will now be far more limited. I’ll get her for a couple of weeks in August as her mom reports for staff days, and then she’ll begin attending school later in the month. From then on I’ll only be taking care of her on school half-days and teacher work days (along with any sick days). All in all it will only add up to a few days each school year.

I’ve spent the past four years watching her grow up while joining her in playing with a multitude of different toys, playing every game that she learned or made up, walking her around my neighborhood, watching her play with my tools in the driveway, taking her to various places as a sort of field trip, playing various chase games around my house, and…well, you get it.

I love this kid more than life itself, and I’m really mixed between enjoying the coming smell of sweet freedom, and wanting my time with her to never end. I’m not certain how I’ll handle myself emotionally in the coming days, or even weeks, but I’ve always known that in the end my years with her were only temporary.

One of the things that stands out in my mind right now is the ways in which my time with her has affected my body. On the one hand, taking care of her has challenged me physically in ways that I would have sworn I could never handle. I questioned in my mind how I would survive four years of full time child care and I thought that my body was too beaten and worn to handle it all. It turned out that I’m far stronger and less disabled than I had thought. On the other hand, taking care of her these past four years has caused a lot of wear on my body and I have seen a bit of a decline in the condition of my bones and my general energy and strength.

So, my conclusions from all of these things on this last day as she lays thirty feet away from me while refusing to fall asleep for her nap? I’m really thankful for the time that I’ve been able to spend with her. I’m thankful for the influence that I’ve been allowed to be in her life. I’m thankful for the daily pleasure that I’ve been able to experience while watching her growing up. I’m thankful for her joy, her smile, her enthusiasm, and the sound of her voice as she constantly expresses her passion for life. But I’m also thankful that she has helped to show me that I'm not as weak and frail as I thought I was four years ago. I’m thankful that I’m here now, ready to face the coming days and years with the knowledge that my motorcycle accident is limited in its aftereffects, and anything is possible for me as long as God’s direction and strength are involved.

I'll still see her at church and family functions on a regular basis; it’s just that right now I'm certain that I’ll, you know, miss her with all of my heart.