Uncertainty Of Thought

One of the things about dealing with all of the injuries that were caused by the motorcycle accident involves the constant assessment that I have to make concerning the pains and limitations that I endure. I have had to experience an evolution physically throughout the past years as my body has continued to change in how it hurts and how it functions.

This past Sunday I hit my (bad) knee on a piano bench at the church as I walked past it while cleaning a few things. It was a very light and trivial thump with the bench, but the wood-to-leg contact centered just where the end of the screws that hold together my tibia at the side of my knee are located, and it hurt in a big way. After a few seconds I grew accustomed to what I was feeling and I continued to get things ready to leave the building, but the pain uncharacteristically remained throughout the day. It’s Monday evening as I type this entry and the pain remains still, but I’m certain that it will go away within another day or two.

Every time that something like this happens it causes me to wonder if I need to see a doctor or surgeon about whatever it is that’s acting up. I really grow tired of the uncertainty that I experience with every event that causes a new pain or inability. Sometimes I simply wake up in the morning with something that developed overnight. It sort of wears on me mentally to constantly have to wonder if a new problem is “the big one” that will cause me to go back into surgery. I try to ignore most of the things that happen with my injured body parts, but there are times when I can’t help but to wait and wonder.

This seems to be one of the mental aftereffects of my injuries. I know that I can change it all by the way in which I react to these things, but the issue remains that it all involves my body and my future. It's all kind of important to me in a big way. That has to make sense, yes? I sometimes can’t help but to wonder about certain physical conditions and it seems to be one of the consequences of walking around with a body that was damaged and then put back together with metal. All in all the situation sort of stinks.