Please Make It Stop

I went to sleep last night at 11 o'clock. Not too early, not too late. I woke up at 2 o'clock in the morning. I remained in bed, wide awake, until 4 a.m. I then got up to watch a little tv until about 5 a.m., and then I went back to bed and stayed there until about 6:30. I then got up for the day and started to work on everything that needed to be ready for my niece's arrival later in the morning. It's all a little brutal, but it's part of the price paid for riding my bike to get a haircut nine years ago.

I was in the hospital from late November until mid-January. I couldn't sleep in the hospital at all, and I really didn't do any better after I finally made it back home. My thought back then was that I would eventually resume a normal sleep pattern after my leg healed and I could lay in bed more normally. Sadly, time has proven me wrong. Every 2-4 weeks my body breaks down and I sleep better hours for one or two nights in a row, but my normal pattern involves something similar to how I described last night's nocturnal fun-time adventure.

I'm 59 years old now, and I have a job along with the responsibilities of taking care of my soon-to-be four year old niece all day and my regular household chores. It's all kind of killing me, you know? I'm slowly sinking here, and there isn't much that I can do beyond sleep drugs (no way). I get so tired that it makes me feel as though I'm in another reality sometimes.

I really can't control the things that have happened to me physically as a result of the motorcycle accident nine years ago. I just sometimes wish that I could. My brother would always say when we were kids, "If wishes were horses, rides would be free". It was his paraphrase of an old saying, but I could sure go for a free ride these days.