A Little Help

One of my sisters-in law is facing a very difficult time with her mother. Her mom is in the hospital ICU with multiple health issues and has been subjected to several medical and surgical procedures. She has been placed on pain medication and is a little confused as a result. I realize that every ordeal comes with its own details according to the people involved and all of the specific circumstances, but I feel as though there are certain similarities to my past. She faces her own battle, and I don't want to sound presumptuous, but I do feel that there are enough similarities to my situation eight years ago that allow for me to comment.

If I were asked for advice on what it is that my sister-in-law (or you) should consider when dealing with her mother's time in the hospital, these few points would be my simple advice.

1.   Be certain to inform her of major details concerning her medical care. Don’t allow her to get lost within the maze of things being done to her body. She probably won’t need to know every little detail, but it will help her to know what she’s going through as one medical professional after another seemingly takes control of her care from day to day.

2.    Don’t force too much clarity on her. Yes, she’s confused by everything including time, but to a certain extent she needs the ability to sort things out in her own way within her own mind. Allow her to feel as though she has some control over her mental existence.

3.     Don’t spend your time silently staring at her as she lies in bed. Remember that she’s a person, not a piece of work within a museum. Allow her to feel as though her physical condition has not changed her value as an individual. Let her know that there is more to her existence at the present moment beyond being a sick person lying in a bed.

4.    Touch her. It can involve gently holding her hand, forearm, or whatever she’s most comfortable with, but touch her for a while. She should be reminded that she’s a human being with a past, present, and future. She needs to know that you acknowledge everything that she ever has been, and that she still belongs to the human race. All too often a hospital stay can leave you feeling as though you’re a piece of meat that’s being worked on by the hospital staff; a name and a number on a medical chart screen. Remind her that she has value beyond being a piece of hospital product.

5.    Be certain to support her if she needs help in clarifying between delusions (dreams, nightmares, and hallucinations) and reality. It can be a very confusing mix because of the drugs.

6.     I would also advise her to do an internet search on the term “ICU psychosis”. There’s a lot of information available, and it’s a little known condition that deserves far more attention than it receives.

I have been through a few things in my life, and I know that her mom needs a great deal of love beyond all of the medical care that she's receiving. If you’re facing something similar, hang on. It doesn’t last forever.