I broke my diabetic diet for a short while several weeks ago for my birthday. I had a nice birthday, and the celebration for it lasted a week or so. Yeah, party animals. During that time I ate anything and everything that I wanted to eat, but the strange thing is that I didn't really enjoy much of it. I honestly thought that I would enjoy engorging myself with countless carbohydrates, and I looked forward to doing it, but the truth is that the only thing that I can remember truly enjoying during that time was some milkshakes that I had over several days. The rest of the stuff just made me feel overly full and very much dissatisfied. I've had diabetes pretty much since the motorcycle accident, and eating has become an act of drudgery since. I eat because I have to eat in order to sustain life, but that's about it. That's why I don't really understand the fact that I don't enjoy the unlimited diet when I go off of the whole carb-watch thing. Mysteries serve a purpose, right? I guess that I should be content with the health that proper eating provides for me.
I think that the principle stated above should apply to the rest of my body. I knew a guy a few years back that lost a part of his arm in a motorcycle accident. I was able to keep mine. I've heard of folks who have been paralyzed in traffic accidents. My body still works from top to bottom. I think that any dissatisfaction that I feel with the condition of my body due to the accident injuries involves the issue of lost freedom. In regard to the eating, I always feel dissatisfied with the restrictions imposed by diabetes, yet eating freely is never truly gratifying. My thinking is that the dissatisfaction that I feel with eating involves a mental issue with the lack of freedom to eat whatever I want. It is, I think, the same thing with my body. I'm pretty healthy and there's no severity involved with all of the pain and discomfort. The problem has to be a mental issue with the lack of freedom. I can't do all that I did before the accident, and I think that it bothers me that the hindrance of life involved with the aftereffects of my injuries exists. It's not an issue of pain, but rather a lack of freedom.
I think that I had better consider the whole issue of breaking the diet recently in a more profound way. It seems to be a key to the rest of my outlook in dealing with the condition of my physical existence. So-called freedom is not the key to satisfaction with my eating issues, and I think that maybe it isn't the key to finding any kind of resolution with the things that I endure within my body from day to day. Perhaps I don't really lack any kind of satisfaction that I believe freedom will grant. Perhaps a greater sense of purpose and thanksgiving is what I actually lack.
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