Strange Thoughts

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Tonight I had dinner with over a dozen family members at a burger restaurant nearby. We sat outside because of the size of our group and we had a nice time together. Our table was located about twenty feet from the entrance to the place where I got my haircut on the morning of the accident. The crash occurred as I rode home from getting a haircut at that place. I have absolutely no memory of the haircut or the ride to and from this place, but I’m a creature of habit so I know pretty much where I pulled in and where I parked. It is currently an empty storefront (thank you Covid-19) but the place looks the same as it did years ago. I sat in a chair at the dinner table tonight that had me facing directly toward the front entrance of the former storefront.

It makes me feel stupid, but I kept thinking that this was the last place that I walked without having so many problems with my body. I knew where I would have gone between the front door and my bike in the parking lot, and I couldn’t help but think about the fact that I took my very last normal, former-life steps in that area.

It’s so dumb to me because it makes no sense. I was there tonight with family, including the two year old niece that I take care of during the workweek. We all had a very nice dinner together. On the way home I drove through the intersection in which the accident occurred, and it’s an intersection that I have driven through countless times since the accident. No biggie.

Yet, for some reason, looking at the storefront and parking lot tonight set me to thinking about those last steps of uninjured normality seven and a half years ago. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I drive through the intersection where it all happened several times a week with little to no thought about the accident.

I don’t know, maybe it was just a kneejerk reaction to a new visual element. This all occurred just a couple of hours ago and I know that I’ll stop thinking about it soon enough. I just wish that I could understand myself better concerning my thoughts this evening. In the end these thoughts just serve to remind me of what a drag this accident really is. I mean, seven and a half years and I’m thinking about the last steps? I feel as though I should have told myself to get a grip.

Well, at least the burger and fries were good. Oh, and my little niece was really cute.

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