Mind and Matter

I’ve been having a more difficult time with my leg the past few weeks. I’m not sure if it’s just the way that things are, or if I’ve been doing something to aggravate it. I’ve been forced to limp at times, and the pain focuses on my knee and shin. Pain has had the tendency to come and go throughout various points in my body over the years since the accident, so I’m not really going to think that much about it just yet. The problem is that I always harbor the thought of knee replacement surgery in the back of my mind.

There’s a real contrast within my mind regarding this issue. Part of me doesn’t ever want to be a patient in a hospital again. That part of me would much rather endure the inconvenience of a bad leg and just move on with life. No more surgery, no more thin robes that open in the back when you stand, no more gross food, no more being bothered in the middle of the night, and no more nurses in charge of touching and measuring and dispensing.

The other part of me would like to get the knee replaced, along with having the piece of metal attached to my shin bone removed (I assume). That part of me would like to make an attempt to one day feel less hindrance when walking and less pain all the time. Who cares if I have to endure a second knee replacement in 20 years? It might add some excitement to my mundane routine in the twilight years of life.

The orthopedic surgeon’s advice was to wait until it becomes a quality of life issue, and I’m not there yet. He feels that I’m too young to have a joint replaced and advised that I should wait until I’m closer to the age of 70 if possible. I will follow his advice to have it done as late in life as I can, but I’m going to be really steamed if I die young, having wasted the opportunity to make things better...