Bewildered

I read on the local news today that a guy died this morning in a motorcycle accident not too far from where I live. He rode into the back of a car and died at the scene. I’ve thought about it from time to time throughout the day. The thing is that when I hear of something like this it causes me to question my existence a little. In truth, I can’t explain or understand why it is that I didn’t die six years ago, and for whatever reason it troubles me a little. I’ve been told countless times by medical professionals that I should have died, but I don’t really have an answer as to why I’m still here. I really don’t have a clue as to why it is that some people live and some people die.

I’m a theologian by calling and profession. I can understand and use terms such as divine providence, mercy, grace, and fate. I have listened while others have told me that “God wasn’t finished with you yet”, and “He still has something left for you to do”. Still, I really have no idea why I’m alive while a guy that I never met died today. It honestly isn’t a matter of survivor’s guilt. If there were never another motorcycle accident death on this earth, the question would remain within my mind. I mean, why me? I do hope that this man’s family and friends find comfort in the coming days.

I don’t have an answer as to why it is that some people make it past horrible events while others perish. It’s something that I haven’t fully pieced together in my mind since the accident, and I’m not sure that I ever will. How do you answer when asking yourself “why am I still alive”? To a certain extent it has bothered me over time, but I did figure out long ago that recovering from my motorcycle injuries will always involve far more than just physical issues. I think that in the end it’s probably best to appreciate what I have and allow life to go on.