A Deeper Look

In the past I have been asked concerning what it is that I do mentally with all that has happened to me as a result of the motorcycle accident. My answer, in short, is “nothing much but live with it all and move forward”. The longer answer isn’t quite so glib.

The fact that I have chosen to blog about something that only took a few seconds to occur should point to the fact that it’s not just a simple event within a moment of time. Even stranger is the fact that I don’t remember the event or most of the following week and a half. However, the full story just isn’t that simple. I awoke to a different life and it took several years of dealing with doctors, physical therapists, and working alone at home for me to get past some of the more severe aftereffects of the injuries that I sustained. Through it all I’ve had to adjust to the fact that my mortal housing has been left in a permanent state of change. Perhaps the impact would seem less severe if I had been a much younger guy when the accident occurred, but the fact is that I had fifty years of living with a body that experienced changes very gradually over time, and then I suddenly experienced far more drastic changes instantly after waking up in a hospital bed. It has been a lot to absorb.

I feel that I have always been able to show compassion and empathy toward others, but deep inside I think that I never truly understood the impact of trauma or the things that it leaves behind within an individual’s heart and mind. I always had a conscious awareness of the suffering endured by other people, but I’m uncertain as to the level of deep understanding that I had regarding what they were feeling and how it lingered within their hearts. All of that has changed now and I feel that I have benefited from the things that have happened to me. I believe that the accident has helped to make me a better pastor, and a better friend.

So, what do I do mentally with all that has happened as a result of the motorcycle accident? The first part of the answer involves God. I trust Him fully, and I know that the accident, along with the consequent changes to my life, are all a part of His plan for me. Trusting in God involves an appreciation for His grace during the good times, but it also involves faith in His wisdom during the hard times. In the end the blessings and the burdens are all a part of the dance. If you are not a person of faith and scoff at such things, I can only tell you that my faith has granted to me a great sense of peace and strength. In any case it is my relationship with God according to the teachings of the Bible that provides the foundation for my ability to live a happy life despite seemingly adverse circumstances.

Second is my determination to live life. Not exist, not endure, but live. Each day is a gift that provides opportunities to be embraced regardless of what it is that circumstances attempt to dictate. I want to enjoy the simplicity of taking a breath of air, let alone all of the many great things found within any given day.

The third part of the answer involves what could perhaps be referred to as the depths of my heart. Many of the circumstances and changes in life can hurt, but not so much physically. In this life you have to learn to place the so-called trauma somewhere. It doesn’t disappear, but you determine to live with it by learning to place it somewhere within your heart and mind that renders it manageable and powerless. I think that we often attempt to “ignore” the pain that we feel within our hearts, only to have it become a detrimental part of the journey within time. Instead, I remain aware of the fact that it’s there, but I do so with the realization that a caged monster is a harmless monster. I choose to take a good look at it all and know that I’m going to be fine as I avoid any lack of emotional or spiritual control over the things that I face in life. This accident belongs to me and all that is my life, but it’s not in charge. It also isn’t a horror. Not if I have faith in God and live with an expectation of victory within my heart.

Maybe in the end it fundamentally does involve “nothing much but live with it all and move forward”.